THE FILE

So there I was sitting with Patrick waiting for him to fill me in on the depths (or what HE believed to be lack of) of my very existence. And I was determined to prove him wrong.
He started at the first page. A couple minutes went by and all that was accomplished was page flipping and finger tapping on my part. He just read aloud to himself; loud enough to be irritating but not actually loud enough for me to hear what he was saying so that I could debate his criticisms. I sighed, I bit my nails, I tapped my fingers nervously on the table. None of my passive aggressive techniques seemed to be working on good old Patrick.
After about a half an hour or so of this a clock appeared on the wall. Instead of numbers it held symbols that I did not understand; and it ticked loudly.
"So,I'm not going fast enough for you?" Patrick stated in a mocking tone.
"And how on Earth did you figure that one out, Einstein?"
"First of All," he said waiving a finger at me, "You know good and well this is no Earth. Secondly that annoying clock appeared because you were being impatient. And thirdly Einstein is in his very own hell, not yours."
There went my curiosity again. "Einstein?" I asked, a shiver in my voice.
"Of course. You don't willingly invent the A Bomb and go to Heaven. Brilliant man. We've quite a few of those around here."
"Well," I said, "That Diamond... not so brilliant."
"Yes. They get quite a lot of those up there as well."
This made me smile. It was if I was smart enough to get into Hell.
"Don't go getting all arrogant on me little tart," he said, returning to his nasty tone. "You're above average intelligence but you were always too lazy to do anything with it. And you are certainly no Einstein."
My eyebrows peaked and my nostrils flared. I could feel my heart beating faster. Patrick was pissing me the fuck off.
"Well Pat," I said, tightening my grip around myself, "If you're so fucking smart then why did you end up in hell? And if this is my hell then why did you end up with the shittiest job in hell?"
He stopped and looked up at me. He scratched his head, trying hard to answer.
"First off that's none of your business. How I got here. But I'll tell you one thing... I won't be here for much longer. That's why I'm doing this, little lady. Getting out on good behavior."
My interests were peaked. "Good behavior?"
"Yes. Occasionally there are those of us who didn't sin too much, just enough to get us here. And we can get out. Be reborn. I'm sad to say, Miss Allen, you are one of those people."
"I'm one of what?"
"You can get out of hell. It says it here, top of the first page of your file. Let's review."
I got entirely too excited. I sat up straight, smiled, imagined me hanging out with Jesus. But the one thing I did learn on Earth is that you never get too excited about anything. You're just setting yourself up to get let down.
"I could review your entire life. But I really have no interest in you so let's skip to page 4,370,222 to your list of sins." As he spoke the words my file came to life, flipping it's self to the very page he had named.